honestly.....

I think I didn't update my blog for so long because I was thinking about my brother, Jay and the upcoming date of the anniversary of his death (I last blogged May 10, he died May 17).  I don't know if anyone else does it, but it's like the weeks before the day Jay died is actually harder than the date itself.  At least that's how it is for me.  I re-live every moment of what I was doing and what I imagine he was doing until the day he died so unexpectedly and so tragically....until the moment he was.....gone.......forever.  In those weeks.....those days are hard.  Every moment is hard.  Holidays are hard too, but there is no count down.  His birthday is hard, but there is no count down.  Not like the date that he actually died.   And that's how it is for me.  

My story of Jay